Day 38 🎵
So Easter came and go, and it was ok ... then my week is kind of a blur, I had good moments but I think I spent most of the time in bed, I really can't care enough to try to remember.
I've been reading quite a lot, I danced, I played the piano a little bit ... I had no german classes and didn't study either (shame on me), I didn't write new chapters for my story or drew.
I think this week I just felt kind of numb ... I really don't know.
So, this morning I was in quite a shitty mood overthinking about the future as I usually do and received a notification from youtube saying that Eric Saade was doing a live stream, so Eric is one of my favourite singers and back when I was like 13 I was hella obsessed with him. His live stream brought me nostalgia, I am a nostalgic person and I can actually find comfort in that feeling.
For a moment, all my worries were gone, I was a young teenager again, I was watching Eric's live stream and talking with my best friend and it brought me so many good memories. My adolescence wasn't perfect, not even close but there is something that I definitely miss from those times: the amount of faith and hope I had in me.
I wasn't popular at all despite singing out loud 24/7 a song called popular by Eric Saade actually, I hated most of my classmates and had millions of insecurities but I was 100% sure I would do great things in life. It wasn't just about dreaming big, I believed I would achieve all those dreams, it was like "no matter what happens now, one day I'll make my own life", anxiety wasn't part of the equation and I had no limits for my goals.
I am still a hopeful person, I think part of me still is, but I got quite a few calls from reality that made me less sure of my own self. That's why I like to feel nostalgic, not because it gets me back to great, wonderful, perfect times but because it brings me back to moments in which I lived the present and believed with all I had in me that the future would be great. At least I think that's the reason...
Well, today was good, after the live stream I just listened to a bunch of Eric's songs and drawn in nostalgia, I read, I ate good food, soy yogurt with cereals for lunch and lasagna for dinner, I played the piano, I took a nap, I watched a film ... I guess I wished every day was fueled with a bit of my hopeful nostalgic feeling.
With hope, Joana
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